Broken Angel

Broken Angel

Angel. On Earth. Goodness.

Turned. Human. Kind.

Life. Lived.Alive.

Compassion. Love. Joy.

Trust. Broken.Pain.

Tried. Believed. Again.

Ditched one more time.

Sad.

Another chance, another try.

Carried on with life.

Lots of sorrow, lots of grief.

No joy, no love, no belief.

Hope. Lost. Agonized.

Faith. Tried. Revived.

Hurt.Again. Lost in Pain.

Tried. Again.Failed.

Did not lose hope.

Did not lose faith.

Tried. Failed. Cried.

Lost hope.

Lost faith.

Gave another shot.

Again lost.

Tired of trying.

Tired of crying.

Angel. Broken.Dying.

N’s!

Tuesday, January 03, 2012,10:57:08 AM

It's night..

It's night,
And I have nothing left to do...
My mind wanders off...
And I find it thinking of you..

Where are you?
How do you do?
I need you..
I crave for you..

N's!

12th Dec'2011

9.55pm

Lonely Heart…

How lonely can anyone be??

I wonder sometimes.

Though I am a loner kind of person and prefer to be in my own world, yet there are certain times in life when you wish you had somebody. Somebody as in just a friend...no gender bias..

Just need somebody to talk to,

To go out..

Maybe just just ride...mindlessly

Into the streets..

And stop by at a roadside stall

To enjoy the street food or the crowd.

Or Just hang out ..

Do some window shopping

Or maybe just stay at my room n relax n chat.

This is what I m exactly feeling right now. So very lonely.

I try to think the options to bring myself out of this situation.

Aki? No she’s probably busy with her new friends.

Swati? Naah

Parul? I need somebody to listen to me right now…I am in no mood to listen to anybody’s love story as of now.

Nitin? NOPES! He makes me gloomy, though I do feel secure with him yet he makes me uncomfortable.

The guys next door?? Nope…they’d be busy with their own plans.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.. I do have people whom I can go to, whom I can call friends.

But then on an afterthought, I wonder how much of a friend are we all??

There is a friend who had a priority of going to Firangi Paani rather that visit me when I was plastered and bed-ridden….well she was the same friend I considered by best friend.

Then there is another friend, who would love to be with me for sure and would come for help too. But if she gets another better option, she’d surely go for that.

The other one is in love…and yes, that means endless discussions about her loved one.

Someone wants to be just left alone because that’s what they feel comfortable in.

Others have plans of their own and I’d be somehow accommodated in them.

I understand. I know everyone has their own lives and their own priorities.

I do not have any hard feelings for anyone..neither for the one who didn’t come to meet me when I could have done with some friend, nor for the one who would come to me only if she needs bike or bike rides nor for the one who pesters me with her boyfriend tales.

No I do not have any hard feelings for anyone.

It’s just that I need any of them to listen to me. To be with me. To be my friend and have patience to hear out what I had to say. Just for once I want them to be quiet. So that I can finish what I started speaking. Just once I do not wish to listen to them, rather I want to be heard.

I am lonely because I am unheard. And here I am pouring my heart out.

My muted voice and enclosed emotions rumble out as the words.

I am nursing a lonely heart..not because I am heartbroken, but because I do not have anybody to hear me out…so to speak.

-N’s!

Sunday, December 04, 2011

8:45:21 PM

Sometimes I cry...

Sometimes I cry..

In the middle of the night.

I don’t know why...

I just wake up.

Look out at the sky..

The moon far away,

And the cool breeze makes me sway..

Mind races back to the memories of the time spent by..

And I desperately wish I could have it all just once again before I die.

It’s weird and so hard to describe this emotion.

For so long you wait for that right person your whole life.

But sadly you always end up with all the wrong ones.

Then one day you meet up a person who is just a casual random guy, you believe to be wrong.

Then you realize he is the one you’d want to spend the rest of your life with.

Theatrics and dramatics apart, you realize that he is the one you want to grow old with!

But sad..he has already vowed for solitude, if not celibacy.

What do you do? What can you do?

You have the guy right in front of you…yet you may or may not have him.

To my man, all I want to say is:

“My heart skips a beat whenever I see you...Is it the desire to have you or is it fear of never having you???”

-N’s!

Monday, November 28, 2011

11:18:54 PM

And I wait

And I Wait…

I don’t know what to say.

It’s been just a few days that passed away.

Rather it was since yesterday that we stopped speaking.

You just said that you wanted to be alone, wanted to have some time alone.

And I agreed to that.

But now I am starting to wonder.

“Was it all fake whatever you said?” I ponder.

Wasn’t it you who said that you’d be my friend forever?

But now I think they were mere words you said.

I feel even you’d go away.

Might be I’m getting impatient.

But what’s such a problem that you couldn’t get over it yet.

Do you know I was hurt when you messaged me do not call or message?

I don’t know why but I felt bad.

Though the span of our togetherness might be short,

But I miss you.

But then what else can I do?

Even though heart-broken I might be, how much hurt I might be,

I check my cell all the time, keeping track of time.

And I wait.

Whoever U are...

Whoever u r …wherever u r…I’m waiting for u waiting for our stars to align, for our times to coincide….for our paths to transect…I know u are waiting 4 me too…for I can feel ur sighs in the cool breeze around me…I can hear u in the rustling leaves, whispering winds…yes dear I do wish u goodnight…incessantly every night…I kiss u sweet

dreams every night…for I know somewhere in another corner of this mortal world u r waiting 4 me…for us to unite to immortality…to hold me in ur arms for the eternity….

Never Let Go....

Never Let Go…

I just watched the Hollywood flick “The Guardian”…the events, the dialogues etc made me think one thing…

“Don’t worry, I won’t let go..”

Beautiful words to hear,

Courageous words to say,

Heavy & hard to mean,

But yet a record in themselves if ever acted upon.

From this I just remember I saw Titanic movie too and even in that Jack makes Rose swear to never let go…

This is all very beautiful.

And it definitely makes your life more beautiful and worthwhile when you have been through these words & their actions.

Never Let Go….

I just wish I could say these words to my shattered trust & faith.

The words I long to hear from someone,

And someone who’d long to hear these words from me.

Of course there are many, but how many really mean those words and actually mean to hear and understand those words? God only knows.

Well but my idea behind writing all this was not to show my cynicism and pessimist attitude.

I just realized how beautiful life would be if we said these words to a stranger in need,

To a dying man who has clenched our fist…”Don’t worry I won’t let go”,

To a child learning to ride a bicycle & just had a fall,yet trying to ride again,

To a distressed friend who shouts “Leave me alone!” and yet we say “I’ll never ever let go..”,

Lets just never let go the beauty of life, the humanity in us…

Lets just never let go the goodness we have…

To a small child, to a stranger, to an old person, to those who do really need me….

Don’t worry, I won’t let go.

To my life, to the humanity in me, the little bit of goodness left in me….

I will never let go,

I promise.